Thursday, Apr. 17, 2003
Hurt feelings club

I got into an altercation with the owner of a journal I read regularly yesterday. At the end, I told her there were no hard feelings, but after waking up thinking about it, and it being on my mind all morning, I'm beginning to wonder if that was a true statement.

I was trying to evaluate my behavior. You see, I'm usually not the type of person who takes a stand on things. I have the uncanny ability to put myself in other people's shoes, and see their side of the story in most situations - which makes it kind of hard to pick a side sometimes. I'm also the type of person who wants everyone to like her, so picking a fight or taking part in a debate is really not my style. I wouldn't want to risk that person disliking me for voicing my opinions too strongly. So, why did I react so harshly to her?

After some thought, I realized it could be a number of things... hormones, physical discomfort, the gloomy weather - any of which could cause me to be grumpier than usual. It could be the fact that I will most likely never meet this person, and felt more free to argue my point with her. Or it could be that I really do want to take a stronger stand on my morals than I used to as an example to my daughter (even though she's not here to witness it yet - but I gotta practice, right?)

But, I think what set me off the most was the fact that she replied to my entry so quickly, suggesting very matter-of-factly (and an little too lightly) that all my research & thought had zero impact on her - while using the same excuses I had already seen her use. She even went so far as to say that she had already heard all of my arguments before, which I find hard to believe, since I came up with several of them on my own. The bottom line is, my reasoning didn't even make her think, for a fraction of a second, "hmmm, maybe this is something I should consider". And that's frustrating.

She also made a comment that if I were going to preach about environmental issues so heavily, I shouldn't just do it half-way. I believe this to be a really lame comment, #1 because she hs no way of knowing if I do it halfway or all the way, but mostly because I'm sick of people thinking that way. Why should only 10% of the world do 100% of the conservation for it? It's her Earth too! If 100% of the people who live on it would do everything half-way we'd be in a hell of a lot better shape than we are now.

So, I wrote back with a harsh comment, basically because she had hurt my feelings and wanted to get her back. Then she put an entry in her journal that was "not directed at me" criticizing people who are judgmental of others for the way they choose to do things (especially concerning raising a child). I'm sure she got plenty of support from her regular readers, and it made her feel better to know that people are on her side.

So, now I'm trying that - because I want to feel better too.

I did get an awesome response from youngblood20 asking me to fill her in on the basics so she could look into it further. That made me feel great! (Thanks, Tiff!) And another from souljourn supporting me (Thanks, M!). So, I really should concentrate on the positive, like I usually do. I just had to vent a little more, because it was eating me up inside - and that's really not good for Bump.

Ciao-Pazzobello

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