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Tuesday, Jul. 20, 2004 We went on our trip. Me and Lucy flew down to Charleston for my family reunion. We left a week ago Saturday and returned last Saturday. I haven't written about it, because I don't know how I feel about it. I'm still tired from being Lucy's sole caretaker for a week. I told Pete I got a taste of being a single mom. And it was hard, man! I have utter and complete respect for all you single moms out there that do this day in and day out. I barely survived one week! My family just doesn't understand how to help me. Lucy gets very clingy when she's in a new situation and around a lot of people she doesn't know. So she wanted me most of the time - and everybody thinks that the only way they can give me any kind of assistance is to take her from me. And since that never works, I don't get any assistance. Why doesn't it occur to people to help make her lunch, or to help pack her stuff that has to be carted back and forth from the beach house to my folk's house daily? Why don't people realize that when she'll play with my cousin for two hours in the sand it's because he's actually doing something she wants to do, and giving her attention! That was the only real break I got all week, but he didn't get there until mid-week. I was secretly wishing he'd arrived sooner after I saw how great he was with her. My parents just don't have a clue how to help me. I feel the same way this time as I did last time we went to visit down there. I didn't have all that much fun. I felt iscolated and left out a lot of the time, because I had to be inside feeding her or putting her down for her nap, or whatever the case may be, while everybody was outside soaking up the sun and drinking and partying. I felt incredibly stressed, it caused Lucy trauma, and it costed me money I don't have. And we're expected to turn around and come down over New Year's as well. I just don't know how willing I am to go down there twice a year anymore. But, then again, I'd really like Lucy to know my parents too - and I certainly don't want to make them feel like I'm keeping her from them. I've been very clear with them that they can come visit us anytime they like. It's easier that way. They don't have a child to pack for and travel with. Plus, Lucy would be much more herself in her own environment. I don't know. Even my writing sounds confused and my thoughts unorganized. My sister-in-law just found out she's pregnant with her 5th child. And I can't even take a family vacation with one. I don't know how I'll ever feel confident in my ability to handle more than that. I love little babies, but I just don't know. I guess it's a good thing my sisters keep giving me my little baby fixes, so I don't have to have more of my own. Ciao-P
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