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Thursday, Mar. 27, 2003
I've been having some minor anxiety attacks. I think they're triggered from our Birth classes. All this focusing on labor now has me worried. I know it's better to be educated about everything versus ignorant, but I don't want to spend the next 7 weeks worrying about what my labor's going to be like. I get kind of a closed-in feeling, like I need air, and somebody's pressing on my lungs. I prefer it when I'm just obsessively thinking about the baby. Maybe that will come back after today because work is giving Pete and me a baby shower at 3:00. I'll have a bunch of stuff to take home and find places for. Of course, the relief will only last until next Monday when I have class again. We may be finished talking about labor mostly, though. It is a Birth and PARENTING class after all, and our syllabus says we will go over some basic baby care stuff in the final two weeks. That should be fun. I've started packing my labor bag (stuff to help me get through the labor part, like CD's, massage oil, hard candy) - but not my suitcase. I don't know what clothes to pack. I've read I'll be about the size I was at 5 months - which would be nice, because I was barely showing at 5 months. But, somehow I doubt it. And I don't want to pack any of my maternity clothes because I need them right now. I'll figure something out I guess. There's probably some sweats I could throw in there, but I feel like I should have something nicer than that for bringing my baby home. I was reading a book yesterday that's talking about when you take the baby home from the hospital, and it's saying you'll drive more slowly and carefully than ever before. That made me laugh. I'm sure it's true - in fact, the thought had already occured to me before. It's going to be awkward driving for awhile, I think, knowing she's in the car and she's so fragile. I'm babbling on so I don't have another anxiety attack. They've been occuring in the morning. I feel like if I can just get through the first couple of hours of being awake, I'll get past it. I need to go do some work - that should help. Ciao-Pazzobello
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